hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your cock deserves a montage
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
