dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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