my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
