i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was born a porn star she said
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
