if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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