bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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