Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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