Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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