Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
