Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my shit smells like andre
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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