there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
