i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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