Can i not drive my cunt home
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
