i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FUCK WHALES
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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