We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
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BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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