Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
