hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
