i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
