Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
