my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
