Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
