3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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