That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
