NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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