Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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