who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
