dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
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He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize