Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
