it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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