tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
