I love black thongs
I want to walk on stilts...naked
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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