You really coming over, don't trick.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
