You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
