my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
