i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize