I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
