I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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