The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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