Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
