Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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