i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
someone owes me an orgasm
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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