Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
