I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
