Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
