wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
