I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
