The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
