What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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