What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
