I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
