question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
