WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I want her autograph on my taint
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
