theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
