Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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