FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
