I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
