the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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