omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
