just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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