the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!