ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.