Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.