i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this is an emotional support booty call