You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
