I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
