i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
