He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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