The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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