Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
