Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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