Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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