They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
