Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
