Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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