yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
