Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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